Michigan Jokes

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?" The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is a Michigan Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also a Michigan Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times"

What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor? Columbus : 187 Miles

What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
Drool

How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza

Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!"
and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.

What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad? "Welcome to McDonalds.
May I take your order please?"

Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender.
The Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"

A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery, when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man." The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"

Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the genie.
Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!"
The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish. Jim says, "Fill it up with water."

Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games? Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.

What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life?
His freshman year. Go Bucks!

What's the difference between a Michigan fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Why don't Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Why do Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?A: A visitor.

Q: What should you do if you find three Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?A: Get more cement.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Michigan fan and a pig?A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car?A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: How many University of Michigan freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, it's a sophomore course.

A teacher starts a new job in West Lafeyette, Indiana. To make a good impression, she says that she's a Purdue fan. She asks the class if they're fans too. All raise their hands but 1 little girl. The teacher asks her why she didn't raise her hand. "Because I'm a Buckeye fan, and proud of it," the girl replied. The teacher asks, "Why are you a Buckeye fan?" "Because my Mom & Dad are Buckeye fans, so I'm a Buckeye fan too!" "Well," said the teacher, "that's not a reason for you to be a Buckeye fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom was a prostitute and your Dad was a drug addict, car thief, and wrote bad checks, what would you be then?" The girl said, "I'd be a Michigan fan."